I’d like to talk about one of the SPICES that makes us all flinch – Integrity.  I want to do a series on Integrity, but so many times my series are one or two messages and moving on.

Today I want to talk about integrity in choices from the point of view of creating a world of love and light. If we want individual integrity, we have to start with a society where integrity allows all of the people to reach their full potential — God’s Kind dom – Heaven on earth. Reachable utopia. Creating a world where we are all living up to God’s will for everyone and every place — and a way of life where we all can succeed and grow into our own unique selves as we were made to be.  There is integrity when someone is allowed to live a life that mirrors that person’s abilities as themselves blooming into a beautiful version of them just like God wants them to be. But, in reality, that is beyond human comprehension but still something we need to aspire to. You have a certain kind of integrity when you are living into your values and gifts of the Spirit graciously, when you can be the way God wants us to be as fully and completely as possible. That is a world where the goal is living with integrity for every person.  Integrity starts we think, with  helping people’s lives to closely align with their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and actions mirroring their best lives. The kind of person of integrity I am talking about is consistent, dependable, and genuine.  Imagine a world where everyone can have these characteristics.

Unfortunately, the animal brain of people can keep us from living into these ideals by clouding our choices so that we try to compete and rank people, justify and rationalize our behaviors, and help in the creation of a very unequal world that lacks integrity. 

For some this begins before the first moments of life.  We can see this clearly in the maternal fetal mortality rate of black women being three times higher than for white women giving birth.  Once in the nursery, the black child is allowed to cry longer before being cuddled, and the trend keeps on going all the way to our incarceration rate and the early death rate for African Americans. In so many ways we have thrown up roadblocks for others’ ability to become the consistent, dependable and genuine people we desire working with and for, living next to, or our children living with  — Therefore we have been a part of a society that pushes some out of community with us no matter how nice we try to be individually, or how socially active we are. When we as a society are unfairly treating others with such disparate and inconsistent ways, we lack integrity ourselves.

What it takes for any of us for all to enjoy a life of integrity is going to vary based on so many different factors from genetics to personality traits, services available, and the presence of other people of support who offset some of the negative factors. When I worked against the death penalty, I would get asked that if a home was so neglecting and abusive to create this person’s lack of moral respect for life, why did his brother or her sister not turn out the same way.  Generally, that sibling had one person, one resource teacher, one volunteer, one principal, one next door neighbor who forever changed the direction of the siblings’ life. This is just one of a thousand reasons we should never judge another person.  When we judge, we lack integrity because our soul stops focusing on growing itself and starts pointing out the mistakes of others.

When we judge we also deny our part of the behavior as a member of society that led to the mistake being made. If we want a safe and fair society, we all have to become accountable for every choice we make, but as humans we are not designed to do this on a regular basis and remain healthy.  It takes both accountability and healthiness for our society to have a chance to become more of a spawning ground for integrity rather than its lack.

Any oppression or illness of society or of us begins to cloud judgement that is needed for integrity to flourish. This week Jay has been splitting some large pieces of wood so that we don’t have huge yule logs in winter.  He would put the metal wedge in and throw the sledge hammer over his shoulder consistently until the one large log was split into two smaller pieces.  That is what we do with people’s ability to live into the integrity with ease and grace. With lack of equality, we place the wedges in and throw the weight of society between the person and that person’s wholeness that represents integrity.  That wedge can be the stress of two jobs, or absence of parents because a parent had to be out of the home to work.  It can be many things like this: lack of sleep, poor nutrition, poor health, unemployment, a life without times of peaceful solitude to process and heal, or hear God’s voice and leadership.

Yet we blame poor people for “bad” choices, but we may not be working to remove these inequalities and wrongs in our society. To make this society a society of integrity and wholeness, it will take all of us, and we ourselves have to be reflective enough to know and take responsibility for our choices. Yet we many times blame society and we blame families when we see lack of integrity.

 Many times, acts that lack integrity are not a reflection of the character of the ones setting the tone for the home. But we blame the parents if a child has a drug problem or has fallen into unsavory ways. I had a case in Elizabeth Town North Carolina.  A kid wanted to fit in, so he went with his buddies, and they robbed a store and killed the clerk.  This kid had a wonderful home.  His dad was a deacon at his church and worked at the local grocery store as the manager.  His mother worked at the local sewing factory and was just about ready to retire. They didn’t drink, smoke, curse – there was no sign of maladaptive behavior in the home.  But when I started interviewing the guys who were involved about what life outside the home was like for my client, my client from this very nice home had witnessed several drug deals, with at least one with the murder of someone in front of him. He had gone from being ostracized at school where he was seen as too clean cut to be accepted to hanging with the local gang trying to make his marks.  Should he have been staying home with his nice family? – probably.  But he was out trying to make friends and fell into the wrong group of friends. There were so many ways that society could have intervened before this happened, but the truth is that we have so many, many ways that keep people from making good choices.

Imagine this bell ringing. Repeat out loud the sound it makes.  You can hear it clearly.  This is your conscience.  Add the static of frustration, the loudness of stress, the clanking of illness and under employment, the noise of conflicting advice, the deafness caused by intergenerational trauma, the gong of PTSD, and you won’t hear it.  God wants all of us to be able to hear God’s will and do God’s will of love and light all of the time.  But we have to get rid of all the sound for this to be a reality for so many people. Therefore, we should not and cannot judge.  It is impossible for us to know what keeps someone from having a clear conscience or being able to hear the right choice to make.  Yet we have a system of punishment instead of restoration; and we push others into molds that may not be what God wants for them. 

True integrity is when every person can authentically be the person God wants them to be — and our job with integrity is to work for the attainment of this authenticity and wholeness that every person deserves and needs.

A place of true integrity – solid central core values lived with respect and honor – depends on us having a vision of a better world and an intent to work towards this better world without fail in our daily lives.  The energy used to judge, punish, castigate and isolate people in this world could be being used for restoration instead.  And a whole society that functions for the best interest of all the people in it, a community, is the growing ground for integrity.  We lack integrity if we are a part of someone else not have this growing ground, this society, what the Bible and Jesus would have called God’s kingdom.  In God’s kingdom all people can live to their fullest potential with genuine love and support. Resources are available.   The system is just. Needs are met. God’s will can be discerned. If we as Quakers want to live by the SPICES, we have to help create a world when it is safe and makes sense for everyone to live by the SPICES – to be able to choose simplicity instead of not having being thrust on some and riches on others, where peace thrives with joy and justice, where the entire community is connected to each other and to God, where it is equal in the world, and living with equality doesn’t mean sacrificing your family’s environment, where money and resources are treasured and stewardship abounds.  But until we make this society a place where there is integrity and where integrity can grow and prosper, the SPICES are not able to be used in all situations all the time.  A society with integrity gives everyone a chance to live in right relationship with one another.  This can be done through positive ways and granting opportunities — given good options  that fit them and fit their families so that they can choose wisely. Imagine a world where this place of right relationship included right relationship with resources and with the environment.  Imagine a world of respect and honor.  This is the world where integrity prospers and can be lived with and by all people all of the time.